No. 13
YOUR self
TODAY MARKS ONE YEAR OF YOURS AND YOURS TRULY…
Before August 28th of last year, I started to take care of myself. This type of care was very surface level, but still extremely important. I made the decision to “care for my body” first. I didn’t get the results I wanted initially and have only recently discovered why. It’s because I made that decision with an absence of Love. My decision to take care of my body was rooted in disgust towards myself and discomfort in my skin — not from a place of support or care.
By dealing with the defeat of not looking and feeling the way I wanted to, a miracle seemed to occur. Through attempting to take care of my body, I actually began to take care of my mind. Taking care of my body then lead to taking care of my soul. We often hear about the mind-body-soul connection and I used to wonder why the heart was always left out. Some believe that the soul and the heart are the same or “of the same essence”. I believe that the heart is separate. I believe it controls the mind, body, and soul. That’s why taking care of it is so difficult. More so than the others. But it must be taken care of. The heart cannot be neglected. I’ll get into this.
Before I do, I can’t begin this final piece of the year without expressing my thankfulness. My blog is the physical manifestation of me taking care of myself. It’s incredible to look back on how these writings started and to see where they are now. If you’ve read every Yours piece, or at least most of them, maybe you’ve noticed the changes too. I believe that when you’re doing what you’re supposed to be doing — when you’re truly aligned, it will seem as if your life is falling apart. It isn’t. It just feels that way. If it’s of any help, just remember that in order to make room for what belongs, you must get rid of what doesn’t. My life “fell apart” this year and luckily, I had this platform to help pick up the pieces one by one. I am deeply thankful. I’m thankful to you for engaging, reading, and thinking. Most of all, I am thankful for myself.
A year ago if I would have read that, “most of all, I am thankful for myself”, I would have thought the person who wrote that was a little Self-obsessed. A bit Self-centered. In the present — what feels like the beginning of my life, that’s all I want to be. Self-obsessed and Self-centered. Let me explain why.
me at an empty table after dinner one evening in Nashville, Tennessee.I spent a lot of time this year unlearning, replacing, and re-defining. None of it has been effortless but there was a concept that clicked immediately for me. It connected so many dots and I hope it will do the same for you.
“Self-centered” and “Self-obsessed”. You’ve heard these characteristics and you’ve probably assigned them to someone you know. Have you ever questioned why they have such a negative tone?”
Society. That’s always the answer and is also always the problem.
We’ve been given a mixed signal. We’ve been taught that it’s wrong to Love ourselves and we’ve also been taught that unless you’re a confident go-getter, you will never win. How can one be confident if they don’t Love who they are?
The girls in movies that can’t stop looking in the mirror, they aren’t Self-obsessed. Those people in your life who can’t talk about anything other than themselves, they are not Self-centered. At least not really. Those people are obsessed with their image. They’re vain and they’re selfish.
What I’m trying to say, is that I don’t think Self-centered means you only care about yourself. It means that you always choose to make yourself a priority. It means that when you fall out of alignment, you feel it instantly because you’re completely centered in your being. It means intuition, trust, confidence, security, and grounding. And an obsession with yourself shouldn’t start and end with how you look. Why can’t you be obsessed with listening to your thoughts and feelings? Self-obsession means constantly checking in and taking care of yourself. It means you never want to stop learning new things and fulfilling your needs moment by moment, whatever they may be. It means you run after — literally chase feelings like bliss, gratitude, and Love.
We don’t just feel guilt, shame, and victimization from time to time. We live in them. If you’re reading this and starting to re-think the way you’ve treated yourself, congratulations. Our world thrives on the struggle for external power. We’re expected to climb until we reach the top. That is the very reason that many of us find ourselves disempowered. Feeling worthless. All because we don’t believe in the most important power. It’s the one that can be replenished, given back, and doesn’t seek to control or manipulate. It comes from within — from the Self.
So how do we stop that? Living in shame and reaching out for what’s already within. We take care of the Self. Our mind, our body, and our soul. We become Self-centered and Self-obsessed without being selfish.
How do we do that without being selfish? We take care of the heart. The heart is the source through which all life flows through — the source that Love flows through. We do it with love. Anything done in Love cannot be selfish.
When you start taking care of your heart, you can expect it to hurt. You should expect to be uncomfortable. You can expect to be overly sensitive. Everything may start to feel wrong. You will outgrow people and things. You will lose people and things. You will be lonely and you will feel misunderstood – labeled as selfish. But in the midst of all of that, you will find Your Self. You will feel Your Self. You’ll be pulled in directions you didn’t think you’d go – gravitating towards new and attracting what’s right.
The single most important thing that I learned this year is that becoming Self-centered and being Self-obsessed is the gateway to taking care of the heart. And it may be the most important, long lasting, honorable, and loving thing that you can do for yourself and for others while you’re alive.
Yours and yours truly,
Ashley
